Burning guilt.
Do we really get only what we deserve? Because I sure as shit didn’t deserve anything that happened to me last night.
Posted May 12, 2012 at 3:02pm
You are loved just for being who you are, just for existing. You don’t have to do anything to earn it. Your shortcomings, your lack of self-esteem, physical perfection, or social and economic success— none of that matters. No one can take this love away from you, and it will always be here.
— Ram Dass
(Source: moreofamore, via applesandcurls)
You own my heart with no reserve. You are the picture of which I could spill more than a millenia of your striking beauty.
Posted April 28, 2012 at 3:14am
Snakes and Ladders.
What have I truly done wrong? All I’ve offered is a resolution to do as best as I can, and all I’ve asked for is opportunity to prove myself. The distance and silence is agony, and desperation fits no man well. To think one expression of disappointment has just set me back so far, paralyzes me with fear. You have been in my situation, you know the amplification of every thought, word and action and how it beseeches you to make no margin of error. Now like the victim of the proverbial snake, I am disoriented and apprehensive.
Posted April 20, 2012 at 9:43pm
Penance.
My tables have turned, the abyss has stared back at me.
I had to step on glass to turn on the light, and the pain will carry and scar. The tragedy in this is that not only has my blood spilled, and now I must harbour the consequence.
The person I was despises the malignance I became, and it is evident that I have traversed into conceited and repugnant territory. I have enabled deceit, utter distaste and tarnished my integrity. This will never happen again.
I seek withdrawal and contemplation, on the ideal of redemption. I will climb the ladder even if it is pulled from me. I see now I have bargained with what will always cost too dear to me, and I will repay by any means.
Posted April 17, 2012 at 3:30am
How the fuck do you ruin that??????? How do you throw away something you absolutely adore and disregard someone you care so much for like you did??? Why did you hurt yourself so close to home????? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU????? Maybe you were meant to be alone for a reason, maybe it’s the reason why it took so much to get to where you wanted, because you pushed so far against the will of the forces that be that it has to send tribulations constantly to drill the fact in that you were not meant to be this way, and now it has cost you everything you invested in it. You knocked down your own house of cards you stupid pathetic vile creature.
AND YOU LIED ABOUT IT. WHAT THE FLYING FUCK, WHY WOULD YOU THINK YOU COULD SOMEHOW WORM YOUR WAY OUT OF SOMETHING SO ABSOLUTELY DEGENERATIVE.
This honestly ranks in the worst moments of my life, and it’s entirely self-inflicted. Good one you useless fuck.
Posted April 15, 2012 at 5:09am
End.
Fantastic, you scum-filled, depraved fuck. You are the absolute zero.
I am struck dumb, I never want to move or think again. I shiver on this empty cold floor almost frozen, not by cold, but by shock and disgust. I’ve never thought lower of myself.
What fucking cheap filthy thrill was I trying to attain? I stood firmly at the doomsday button and pressed it with almost blank cognition. I’ve made a criminal of myself, and I never want to be seen again.
I just commited sheer idiocy, something of which I’ve thought many a time people should be erased for.
And to do it to someone I cherish the most???
My shame is beyond words. Nothing has impacted me so profoundly in my life.
I feel barren. There is no right for any mercy in you. You should just disappear from my eyes, and leave me with nothing but memories to inflict upon myself.
Why. What the fuck am I.
Welcome to my new torture, a solitary confinement of the heart and mind. I’ve been here many times before, and I shall belong here once again.
Posted April 15, 2012 at 4:55am
