I am not responsible for your happiness.
I don’t care that you’ve cracked the shits and left, because the reason why you’re upset is that I didn’t force myself into being happy for your sake, when you’re the one that has hurt me. I’ve done it time and again and it’s become something you’ve come to expect, and now you hate the fact I haven’t bent to your will. Well I don’t care at all, because I know my anger comes from a righteous place and I don’t feel any guilt about it. You were the asshole all day, you dumped your shitty tired mood in my lap and expected me to deal with it and somehow carry us to a better place with zero investment of effort or even niceness on your behalf. You expected me to spin gold out of your horse shit. If you were honestly sorry and really understood why I was upset, you’d have made more of an effort to be nicer afterwards because you would’ve been driven by guilt and a need to appease. Instead you sat there expecting me to make decisions and just brighten up and act like you didn’t ruin my day. That shit is never happening again. If you’re in a shit mood and none of it is my fault, you’re on your goddamn own. I do not want one ounce of it and I will happily leave you behind to save my emotions. If you can’t be a decent, amicable person around me, don’t be around me.
If you’re sick of ‘how we argue all the time’ then don’t look at me for answers, look at yourself. Look at how you’ve caused me to act and react the way I do, and wonder why ‘I’m just so angry all the time’. It’s easy to just generalise and be disdainful and blame it all on me instead of assessing yourself. Everyone is a result of the environment they are in and the stimuli they receive.
Big deal if you’re not part of the inner circle of my 2 friends. My relationship with them is beyond my time with you, I’m allowed to have my own friends. You fucked it up anyways, it’s your fault I don’t want to spend time with Daniel and Steph around you. You’re still too proud to accept it, and you haven’t made an effort to make things better by apologising to them. Another prime example of you sitting on your laurels and expecting things to be okay whilst you put in no effort.
This is probably the last time I’ll ever use this, I hate looking back and seeing how I started using this medium for love and now it’s just a vent of frustrations. I’m completely tired of this cycle of sadness.